Thursday, July 29, 2004

My Speech At The Protest Zone

I'm at the media center, just returned from the Protest Zone. I still don't have time for a thorough recounting of the adventures thus far as I'm going shooting again soon. I promise they'll come soon. I've been taking a two-pronged approach to this convention. I'm alternately trying to make some comedy and at the same time observe and participate seriously in this. This post is about the comedy.

At the protest zone a shaggy dude on the platform (there's a microphone set up there) was reading from some socialist book. No one was paying attention. Again it was lame. I asked him if I could speak. He said, "yes, my brother." I asked if he would stand with me. He said of "of course"...

When I was done speaking, shaggy dude wasn't very happy with me. He said I should be ashamed of myself. When I asked him why, he said if I continue harrassing him, he would call the police (of which there is no paucity - the SWAT team is also so very here and so ready). I got a big applause from the other protesters, however, and a lot of laughs.

Here's the speech I gave to the protesters. Some of you will think I'm jerk for it. You will be right. Some of this will be in the video I'm making...

DAVE TO THE PROTESTERS:

"Friends, protesters, countrymen -- lend me your crust-infested ears. The press, the Democrats, the Jedi Knights -- they have all locked you in a cage and called you protesters terrible, terrible names. They call you decadent extremists, they call you traitors, filth, goobars, dildos, lousebags (and douchebags), pussballs, dingleberries, Hondurans, they say you smell worse than rotted cottage cheese spent 4 days up a mutant midget wrestler's ass. Well I say you are all of these things, but so so so so so so so so so much more. Thank you, God Bless America.

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