Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Kick into gear Johnny K. (Now)

Yo Johnny K.,

It wasn't just you who thought that Bush and the Swiftettes couldn't get traction going after your war record - but now we all know better. But I hope you've also learned by now there's no way to ice down your base quite like letting Dubya bait you into validating his foreign policy, especially when that policy involves certain extraneous invasions of hostile Arab countries.

While you were inches ahead and Bush was foundering under real criticism from Abu Ghraib and Richard Clark - the press called the race what it was, neck and neck. Now that Bush is inching ahead after you've slid from the vicious lies of these Boaty Babies - the press is ready to say Dubya is running away with it and call the thing.

You can't let this happen, Johnny. For the billions of people on this earth who need you to win this - you need to pull the Al Gore pole out of your ass and fight like you're back in the MeKong. You need to be bold. You need to get down and dirty. You don't need to play fair and you don't need to play nice. You need to win. No more mumbling. No more softness. Shake up your staff if you need to. But get this thing done before it's too late.

So Johnny, forget about this vacation of yours and start raising hell, pronto. If there's one thing Dubya has proven, it's that there's plenty of opportunity for vacationing once you're president.


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