E-Mail From The Other Side

I signed up for George Bush campaign e-mail alerts a while back for novelty's sake but could never really bring myself to read them. I mean, they were only ever going to bring me mere moments of entertainment, not change my vote or offer anything substantive to the discussion. The media gives these spinmeisters on both sides plenty of air time, I know what the Republican message is. But I saw Ken Mehlman's e-mail in my inbox tonight and just had to read it. Turns out, it's priceless. It's like a postcard from bizarro land, or as Maureen Dowd puts it, Bush World, where up is down and wrong is so so right. Some samples:

Today the campaign released "Whatever It Takes," an ad featuring President Bush discussing his resolve to win the War on Terror. The ad reminds us of our shared experience over the last four years, his steady leadership, and the serious and difficult decisions a President must make. www.GeorgeWBush.com.

OK, so first he urges us to go to their website to watch their latest (last) ad of the campaign, called Whatever It Takes. I'ts an appropriate title, because not only does it feature Bush speaking about protecting America, the ONLY thing he has to run on, but it's been revealed, thanks to a tenacious dailyKos reader, that a shot of soldiers appearing to be marching in a parade, is actually a doctored photo. It's like something out of Geroge Lucas's brain, literally, if you look closely enough, there are clones scattered throughout the image, clearly copied and pasted images to make it appear to be one large mass of military might. Whatever it takes to win, I guess. This e-mail was sent out yesterday. Today, after the revelation of the doctored ad, the Kerry campaign called on it to be pulled and the Bush campaign announced they will indeed re-cut the ad. Ha. OK, back to Ken:

Because of the President's leadership, we have come through difficult times and stand together at an historic moment. We can choose to take the fight to the terrorists where they live and plan, or we can pursue the politics of retreat and defeat advocated by our opponent.

We choose hope over fear, and we choose to confront those who wish to do us harm, rather than returning to a pre-September 11 worldview.

Hmm, where to begin? First of all, we don't stand together at all. This president has presided over the most polarizied electorate in recent memory. Secondly, is he kidding us that they choose hope over fear. That's the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard. They wander the country telling Americans essentially to fear a Kerry presidency, that if we retreat to this so-called pre-9/11 mindset that Kerry advocates, that it's a recipe for disaster. I'm sorry, as Tom Friedman said in the New York Times, I look forward to the day when terrorism IS merely a nuisance and not a source of fear in our day to day lives. How dare they exploit our fears of another terrorist attack to get re-elected.

In addition, Kerry has never advocated a "retreat and defeat" strategy. It was so gratifying to hear Ron Reagan Jr. say on Hardball yesterday that when Bush accuses Kerry of this, he is just plain lying. In this day and age, that gesture on the part of a media personality is courageous. This whole idea that Kerry is the weak one is a ridiculous distortion, of course -- need we remind them who actually volunteered for Vietnam combat duty? But their re-election depends on people believing it. I actually don't know of one justification for a second Bush term that isn't based on some sort of misinformation or distorted claim. Kerry has always said he will do what needs to be done to finish the job in Iraq. But what's different between him and Bush is that Kerry is actually acknowleding that an end of our commitment is in sight, that there is a horizon, not just an endless slog. Bush wants to continue the current path. Of all places the status quo should not be acceptable it is in Iraq. And what do they say in defense? Oh, it's a war, nothing ever goes as planned, "it's hard work." As Kerry says, Mr. President, there's someone willing to relieve you of this very difficult job.

Now this is perhaps my favorite part of the e-mail:

In the final days of this campaign, the most important thing you can do is reach out to two other voters, tell them why you support the President, and get them to the polls. One good way to start that conversation is to forward this message to five other people. You can do so using the form below.

So he wants us to REACH OUT TO TWO other voters but SEND THIS E-MAIL TO FIVE other people. Sounds like some damn fuzzy math to me. Well, I promise you this, Ken Mehlman. I'll share this e-mail, all right, but it won't be with just 2 people or 5 people. We'll share your message of fear and lies with hundreds of people and take that army to the polls to get you the fuck out. 4 more days and you'd better start looking for another job.